Horse Heaven

R.I.P. 2008-2008
'We never even had a chance to name him'

Ironic that our yellow onions come from a farm named 'Horse Heaven,' as one of our new toy horses outside the cafe bit the dust this past Tuesday, at the hand, or should I say foot, of an unknown passerby. I cannot offer specific details as it was my day off, but from the many witness testimonies which were compiled the story went something like this:

It's early morning...a sunny September day in Portland, Oregon.

Outside the Little Red Bike Cafe...commotion. The sound of plastic snapping and feet stomping.

A small crowd of people quickly gather around a middle aged man who is stomping a toy horse into tiny plastic pieces. A cafe regular who is inside watching the incident transpire rushes outside to stop the man. "What are you doing?!?" he asks the attacker.

"It's too weird," the man says, "they're child molesters! It's too weird." Perhaps disturbed by the people who begin to encircle him, the attacker stops stomping the tiny horse, and begins to make his way down North Lombard St towards the mean streets of St. Johns.

The people left behind in his wake stand watching, confused and disturbed, the plastic remains of the horse and its armor strewn amongst their feet. Who would do such a thing? And why?

A few days have passed and we have been unable to uncover any new truths surrounding the incident, other than the fact that the horse's armor was not as strong as it may have looked. All we can do now is try to help one another heal, and take comfort in the idea that this little guy is somewhere up in toy horse heaven, galloping through the plastic grass and sleeping comfortably at night inside a Lincoln Log barn.

We are accepting donations to help offset the cost of the little guy's toy-veterinary bills. Please make checks payable to the Little Red Bike Cafe. Thank you for all of your support during this difficult time.


Tim D. Roth said...

That is the best story I've heard in a while. Luckily Atlanta is free of armored, child-molesting horses.

Ali and Evan said...

That's what she said.

Kendal said...

we are so sorry for your loss. I never met him but he was beautiful. Perhaps the prettiest toy pony ever to park on a Portland city sidewalk.

Tim D. Roth said...

Speaking of that lovely phrase, The Office premiere is on the 25th of September. They had an office weight-loss challenge over the summer, should make for an entertaining opening.

AnnMarie said...

at least the handsome tan pony was spared...for now.