Here's Looking at You

(Our Labor of Love makes us look this good)

Dear Blog Reader,
I am feeling particularly emotional nostalgic today.

Our family, both personally and professionally, has experienced an unusual amount of turbulence lately. And because of this, I'm feeling wistful.

I wish I could even begin to go into detail. If I did it would mean two significant things:

1. I had the time
2. Things weren't all that bad

But I'll be honest; despite this lovely sunshine-filled day, that alerted me to its impending presence at first light and beckoned me all day to succumb to a state of internal bliss, I was feeling glum enough at 6am to call it a day.

It was one of those days, where you just want to pull the covers up over your head, close your eyes, and be granted the opportunity to start all over.

I eventually got to work only to receive more impacting news, that which sent my heart, and head, into a tail spin.

It is times like these where I am thankful to have a partner. Grateful even that this man is my best friend, business associate, and husband.

Because some stuff you just can't explain; some stuff just has to be understood without explanation, and in my case, thankfully, Evan gets it. All of it.

It can be a look, a gesture, a sigh, it doesn't matter. By then he already knows. He is already processing for me, and trying to make things right and/or better for the sake of Us. For the sake of our family, both personally and professionally. These are the moments where I lunge at the opportunity to wrap my arms around this man, blindly follow his lead, and never let go.

Dear City of Portland,
I am falling more in love with you by the second. Which means I am experiencing the most intense emotions of both love and hate simultaneously, wondering where it is that I fit into your life, and how we can possibly move forward. From your river and tree-lined banks, forested hillsides and parks, to your cosmopolitan flare yet compulsively friendly nature. It goes without saying: I am hooked.

We have known each other for almost twenty-eight years, and lived together for twenty-three of those. I would argue that most of them have been good, even great. But I have to be honest and tell you that I am struggling to understand and/or picture our future together.

That is not to say I don't want to make things work.

I am just trying to be realistic when it comes to planning my future...with or without you.

Please give me a sign that we're heading in the right direction. I only want what's best for the both of us.

Dear Memory Wall (located behind the hand-washing sink at the cafe on North Lombard St.),
It breaks my heart that you're literally falling apart.

We have had some wonderful moments over the years: witty comments and memorable customer orders, keepsake thank you cards and wedding menus, photos of basketball tournaments and putt putt golf parties, school portraits, party invitations and Polaroids.

It seems that every morning when I arrive at the cafe, yet another piece of you has fallen victim to gravity. I feel as though I am constantly having to re-attach tape to your coffee-stained-edges in order to put you back together again. I'm not entirely sure if this is really due to a lack of adhesive, or if you already suspect what's coming; the fact that in six weeks you will no longer exist.

Not to say the memories will be forgotten. Never. But I am asking you, from the bottom of my heart, if you could just try to keep it together for the next six weeks.

'Cause it's not over. Not yet anyways. We still have a couple of things left in store for not only you, but for all the patrons of 4823 N. Lombard St.

In other words, despite the ticking clock, there are still memories to be made.


kati said...

you guys didn't seem as cheerful today as you usually do. we are really hoping that everything works out and know that good things are in store for you!

lola loved the ginger ice cream today! xoxo

Unknown said...

I just love you. You know I do. Every smile and hug, every egg and sliced strawberry, every nook and cranny and little potted plant. I love that you love me back. Life is full of surprises, isn't it? I thought I'd be retired with 10 grandkids, a lifetime love, and a Winnebago in the driveway. None of that happened. But you two happened. You're a joy to me. Let's see what's around the corner. It's going to be Stellar!

Unknown said...

We should get together soon and trade war stories. Our little bakery has been in turmoil of its own. When we all have the time, it would probably be healing for all of us. Our hearts go out to you.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there.

What you have created, in the cafe and online, will last. It cannot be contained solely by bricks and mortar. You WILL find a space that is right, in time.

I'm sure Portland loves you right back.

laura.gonzales@yahoo.com said...

A crystal ball would be handy right about now. I agree it is daunting to leave safe ground heading towards uncertainty. In the meantime, one day at a time…heck maybe even one breath at a time. Yeah that’s it, one breath at a time. “What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly.”

amandaleigh said...

it was nice to chat with you yesterday even if it had to be about the unpleasant. on a happy note, your jam is fabulous and it made my morning :)

Anonymous said...

you guys, hands down, are the best.

Buddha Bellies said...

If we were Portland, we'd wrap our cloudy forest arms around you and give you big hug and tell you that you mean more to us than you know.

LunaCafe said...

I was rifling through my culinary RSS feeds today and came upon your post. Even though I don't know you personally, it breaks my heart that you are experiencing this much turmoil -- and in Portland, the city that has captured my heart too. Sending you blessings for a future more beautiful and abundant that you can at this moment imagine. I am imagining it for you. ...Susan

Mars said...

Hey, what's with the long faces? Stand up and smile. Most of the time things look pretty bad, but if you want to be a winner, smile and try to change them.

Shawn rides the Blue Meanie said...

When you first opened, I smiled.
When I first visited, me on my Big Blue Kawasaki, I dreamed.
I dreamed of moving home, doing what I do best and sharing with new friends.

I am hoping for the best for you.
Should I get the chance to return, my first stop is the LRBC. I need a decaf latte and a paperboy badly.

I may be riding one of my Dad's Harleys tho.
Not quite as cool as teh Bloo Ninjah Str33tfight3r.. but almost.

Best Wishes.